When Kavo woke, he was lying on his bed with a familiar, large form hovering above him. Pain immediately invaded his every thought, and he fought to stay conscious while his body seemed determined that he’d be better off knocked out— or, perhaps, dead.
Cold glass pressed against Kavo’s pursed lips. He opened eyes he hadn’t realized he’d closed to find what seemed to be a shot of whiskey extended to him by a large, dark hand.
“Drink.” It was Hawk. Kavo figured he should have known; no one else he could think of was that big. Kavo obeyed his order and swallowed the drink, making a face to show his distaste for the stuff.
“Is this honestly your only anaesthetic?” Kavo asked, voice still thick.
“Would you prefer I remove the bullet without?”
Kavo paused for a moment. No, no, he certainly would not. He lay back against the bed and took a deep breath. “Alright, I’m ready.”
“I will try to be gentle.”
Kavo wouldn’t have minded that same phrase under rather different circumstances. Blushing slightly at those thoughts, he said nothing in reply; he didn’t want to blurt out his traitorous, dirty thoughts about how terribly he wanted Hawk on top of him in a much more intimate way. Hawk remained oblivious, grabbing a small blade and positioning it at the edge of Kavo’s bullet wound.
“Breathe out slowly.” As Kavo began to obey, he thrust the edge of the blade into Kavo’s skin. Kavo yelled and gripped onto Hawk’s shoulders, his body contracting. Panting now, Kavo let loose a creative string of curse words as his fingers dug into Hawk’s firm muscles. Hawk showed no signs of noticing that there were appendages practically trying to pierce him, and instead continued to slice the blade in a smooth circle through Kavo’s chest.
When at last Hawk set the knife to the side, Kavo sighed with relief and relaxed as much as he could with the biting pain raging through him. Peace didn’t last long, however. Hawk’s hand, which Kavo was quickly learning to hate, was back with forceps. The coolness of the metal hand pressed against Kavo’s collarbone, holding him in place and preventing him from sitting or moving too suddenly, while the oversized tweezers were readied.
Kavo was given no warning before the forceps were in the hole left by the bullet and widened by the knife. He tried not to cry out, and instead greatly laboured breaths replaced the screaming. He could feel the metal inside him, searching, scraping against his torn flesh. It felt like forever before he felt the forceps touch the bullet buried deep in his chest. Hawk carefully grabbed it and even more carefully pulled it out of the wound. Each centimetre felt like hell, but Hawk was unrelenting even as Kavo thrashed to try and get away from the excruciating pain.
It stopped suddenly. The clank of the bullet hitting a metal tray meant that it must have been removed, but the ache inside Kavo was still there— and, he figured, likely would be for a while.
“I am surprised that you are conscious,” Hawk said, taking a needle and coarse thread.
“Why is that?” Kavo breathed, his chest heaving as blood spilled out of the gaping wound.
“I have never had someone stay awake while I removed a bullet that deep.”
Kavo gave a wry smile through the pain. “I’m just full of surprises.”
“You are.” Before Kavo could ask what he meant by that, Hawk pushed the needle in to stitch the hole closed. Kavo hissed, but after what he had experienced just mere moments before, it hardly stung.
His voice tight, Kavo asked, “How do I surprise you?”
“Do you not know already?”
“Why would I ask if I did?”
Hawk nodded and pressed his lips together, as if considering this. “Your loyalty to us surprises me. I had not thought it had been long enough for your opinions of us to sway.”
Kavo looked up at Hawk’s face intently, his eyes roaming over the high cheekbones and strong jaw that appeared every night in his dreams. “I feel responsible for what happened to you, and I want to pay my debts as much as I can. I can’t bring back your village, but I can fight the people who did that to you.”
Hawk’s golden eyes fixated on Kavo as he set the needle aside, finished with stitching. It was as if he could read Kavo’s every thought; he must have known that Kavo’s feelings were more than that of camaraderie, even if he wasn’t thinking about the kiss they had shared previously.
“Kavo,” he said, sending Kavo’s heart racing, “I had a family. I told y—”
“I know; you’re not interested.”
“No. I am not.”
“And I know that, but Hawk, that doesn’t change what I feel for you. I want to make things right. Ignore me; that’s perfectly fine. Just let me do this for you.”
“I take care of myself.”
“Can’t I try to help you?” Kavo pleaded. “Why do you have to live so alone? Don’t you ever want to be with someone else for even a moment?”
Hawk shook his head. “I do not need anyone.” He turned away. “No heavy lifting.” Then he left Kavo lying on the bed, dirty and still messy with his own blood. He didn’t bother trying to move; he only threw his head back on the pillow and groaned in irritation. He was frustrated with himself for feeling what he felt for Hawk, and he was frustrated with Hawk for not being able to release his inhibitions for a whole five minutes, although Kavo was positive that doing so would be able to make both of them happier. He simply had no idea how to make Hawk believe it.
He dozed fitfully, never staying asleep for long. When he did sleep, he was haunted with dreams of Hawk’s rejection and flashes of memories of pain.
It was a cold, dark knight. He couldn’t see anything. Shivering, he tried to shield his bare body from the cold wind, but he couldn’t find any warmth. Suddenly, something sharp ripped through his chest, and he cried out in agony. His screams echoed in the emptiness, augmented across the abyss.
Warmth encircled his trembling body, and his arms sought out the source to wrap around something sturdy. His pain slowly ebbed away as a deep, husky voice murmured against his ear; sparks flew at the low rumbling.
Slowly, Kavo woke. His nostrils were filled with a familiar spicy scent, an exotic and distinguishable smell that he instantly recognized. Thinking it still a dream, he tightened his hold and shifted closer. When the form in his arms moved, the muscles felt too real even for a particularly lucid dream. He opened his eyes and looked up to Hawk’s stern face.
“Do you hurt?” Hawk asked. His voice was softer than it usually was, and it made Kavo’s mouth dry.
“A little.” Kavo extracted his arms and shifted away, hissing in pain. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“I wanted to apologize. Earlier, I was… cold. I do not know how to apologize, but I know that I should.”
Kavo gave a humourless smile. “You apologize for not being interested by cuddling with me?”
“It is not cuddling. You had a nightmare.”
“Mm.” Kavo hesitantly rested his forehead against Hawk’s firm chest. “I meant what I said. I want to make up for the people I helped.”
“I meant it when I told you I do not need you.”
“I know.” Kavo held onto Hawk’s overshirt like a needy child, desperate for someone to assure him it would all be okay. “Tell me about when it happened.”
“Why?”
“I want to hear it.”
“You do not need to.”
“Hawk, tell me!” Hawk tore away to stand up, and Kavo, still clinging to him, followed.
“I told you already,” Hawk protested, clearly irritated. He tried to tear his arm away from Kavo, but the other man didn’t let go. “Your so-called government destroyed my village.”
“Yes,” Kavo conceded, “But how?”
Hawk stared at Kavo for a moment, as if judging his loyalty. Kavo had no idea why; Hawk knew better than anyone where Kavo’s loyalties lay, after spending nearly every waking moment of every day with him.
Finally, Hawk said, “I was the chief. We were sitting around the fire at dinner— my wife, my children, my whole village— before it happened. An airship flew overhead. We didn’t think much of it, just kept eating. As we were each returning to our huts, the ship landed in the village circle. The men, they… I was forced to watch what they did to my daughters— all of my daughters in that village. They left my family in my hut, and they set fire to our homes.” Hawk, whose voice had been surprisingly devoid of emotion so far, took a breath. “My family lost their lives. I lost an arm and most of my skin.” He flexed his right hand, but Kavo wasn’t paying attention to that; he had tried to kill Hawk, had wanted all the pirates dead. But it was the government who had been raping and pillaging. A whole community, destroyed on a whim; Kavo was disgusted with himself for ever being one of them.
“I’m so sorry. If I had known…”
“Apologies won’t bring back my village.” He looked at Kavo, his amber eyes boring into Kavo’s soul. Kavo always felt weak and transparent beneath that intense stare. “I can’t blame you. You thought you were stopping those kinds of atrocities.”
“Even so, I should have known! You’re on Gaea’s fucking Most Wanted list, and you can’t run forever—”
“Not forever.” Kavo’s eyes widened at the interruption. “Only until my family has been avenged. Then, I am willing to turn myself in—”
“Hawk!” Kavo gasped. Cold, dark fear suddenly gripped his heart; losing Hawk would kill him. “They’d… they wouldn’t kill you, but they’d make you wish they had.”
“Kavo… are you… worried? For me?”
“Of course I’m worried, you idiot!” Kavo grabbed onto the front of Hawk’s overcoat, wrapping his fingers in the rough fabric. “You are the only person I can count on anymore.”
Their eyes met, golden honey on desperate cedar, Kavo’s eyes wide and pleading. Then, suddenly, the mood shifted, and hands roamed while mouths collided. Desperation swarmed them both, desperation to feel all there was to feel before the chance was lost. Buttons clinked to the floor as shirts were ripped open and tossed to the ground. Kavo relished the shivers of delight that ran throughout Hawk’s body as his hands quickly undressed them both.
Each inch of newly exposed dark skin was worshipped; Kavo was far from turned off, even with the latticework of burn scars that covered an otherwise flawless physique. Actually, as article after article of Hawk’s clothing was thrown to the floor, Kavo’s desire only grew. He wanted to jump into bed with Hawk and make beautiful, hot and pleasurable love to him all night; he wanted to prove how terribly he wanted Hawk to stay. Without Hawk, he was hardly human.
Kavo reached up and gently tugged the tie out of Hawk’s hair. The onyx strands fell onto his shoulders and across his broad, strong back. Kavo kissed Hawk’s neck, where the countless lacy scars began, while his hands ran backward through the silky hair of his soon-to-be lover. He managed to tear away his hands only long enough to shrug off his overcoat.
While Kavo busied himself throwing off clothing, Hawk only rested his hands on Kavo’s waist and kissed like his life depended on it. His tongue probed Kavo’s mouth, investigating every taste and texture and discovering Kavo’s reaction to every motion; particularly pleasurable responses made him repeat the action.
Their hearts pounded in unison, echoing loudly in their ears. Kavo could hear his blood rushing through his body, rushing south to fill his throbbing groin. He had never wanted anyone even half as badly as he wanted Hawk. He had had a few lovers before, but never male and never anyone whom he would have to fight for dominance. But he was feeling that he wouldn’t fight Hawk for dominance; he would willingly hand it over, because he trusted Hawk to do what was right with any sort of power he was given.
However, Hawk wasn’t moving quickly enough, so Kavo took the matter of undressing into his own hands; Hawk could— and, Kavo imagined, likely would— take control later. As he tilted his head closer to explore even more of Hawk’s delicious mouth, his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of Hawk’s pants.
The next thing he knew, he had landed roughly on the floor. He stared up at Hawk in confusion. How had he gotten down there? It registered suddenly, from the way Hawk was staring at him almost fearfully and from the bruise he could feel forming on his shoulder, that Hawk had pushed him. Perhaps Kavo had taken things too far, but Hawk hadn’t seemed to be the chaste type; then again, maybe Kavo had pegged him for the wrong sort of man.
“Are you okay?” Kavo asked slowly.
“Kavo,” Hawk fought to explain, “I cannot… not now. I cannot be with you— not romantically. It is wrong, and I am ashamed.”
Kavo’s heart dropped. Somehow he had misjudged everything Hawk stood for. He had known that the feelings weren’t mutual, but for some reason he had let himself believe differently— he had thought maybe he’d been cared for and that one such as Hawk would be quick to return his feelings, but he had been wrong. He had been so wrong.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t think that…”
“I should go.”
“No!” Kavo protested. “Stay; please. Just for tonight.” Kavo stood and hesitantly took Hawk’s hands into his own. He’d never shaken so much. “Hawk, if you’re going to leave me behind, please…”
Hawk looked torn; he couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted to stay or leave. Kavo tried on an exceedingly pitiful look, and he finally cracked. “I should not. However,” he continued, “I do want to be with you, even romantically.” Kavo’s heart soared at the confession, but he knew that a negative remark was going to follow. He was not disappointed. “It is simply impossible, for the two of us. I must avenge my village, and then I must leave to keep everyone else safe.”
Kavo squeezed his hands. “I have to believe that you’ll be okay. It doesn’t have to end like this. We could run. Hawk, please…”
“Call me Chayton,” Hawk interrupted.
“What?”
“It is my real name. Chayton.”
“Chayton…” Kavo said slowly. He liked the way the name felt in his throat, the way the syllables rolled off his tongue. Judging from Hawk’s shiver, he liked it as well. “Why are you telling me your real name now?”
“Kavo, somehow… the way I feel about you, it has changed. This is…” Hawk laughed nervously. The noise set Kavo’s body on fire. He wanted to hear it again. “It is hard for me to say this.” He took a deep, steadying breath before he continued, “I do not want you to remember me as a Hawk. I want you to think of me differently, although I have done little to deserve it.”
“Hawk— Chayton— don’t say that. Spend tonight with me; don’t think about anything else. Please.”
Hawk slowly extracted his hands from Kavo’s grip, inch by inch. Kavo began to turn away when both of Hawk’s large hands gripped his waist and held him in place. “Promise me you will not mourn me.”
“I promise nothing,” Kavo murmured, wrapping his arms around Hawk to return the embrace. “I want you to stay forever.”
“I cannot.”
“I know.” Kavo kissed him deeply, his hands trembling. “I know you can’t stay, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping you’ll change your mind.”
“I am sorry,” Hawk said sincerely. “I wish I could. In my homeland, to stay would be the greatest dishonour to both of us. Away from home, I cannot keep myself from thinking the same. The ancient teachings of my people are all I have always had; they will always remain. I must follow them.”
“I understand, Chayton.” The name still elicited a small tremor from Hawk’s large frame. “What I don’t understand is why you have to leave after. I’ve never been safe before, so why should I have to be safe without you now?”
Hawk looked ready to groan in frustration, but he didn’t. “Kavo, do not argue. Now is not the time.”
“There’ll never be another time!”
“That is exactly my point. Let us enjoy what we have left. I want to spend the night properly, without argument.”
Kavo bowed his head, conceding. “Alright. Will you leave tomorrow?”
“I will.” Hawk tilted Kavo’s head toward him. “You will be all that I miss, my tackila.” With that, he initiated a soft and gentle kiss. Kavo had never been kissed so thoroughly and yet so sweetly before; he had never had someone love him like he was sure Hawk loved him. No one had ever touched him or looked at him the way that Hawk did on a daily basis.
“Before you leave… make love to me. Tonight.”
Hawk searched Kavo’s eyes with his own golden ones, looking for a sign that Kavo wasn’t one hundred percent serious. He found none; Kavo indeed wanted him. “If it is what you want, I could never deny you.”
He led Kavo to the bed and gently laid him down, each touch insisting but giving. It was as if Hawk knew exactly where to apply pressure to show that he was in charge but that Kavo’s feelings still mattered. It didn’t make sense that there even should have been such a thing, but what Kavo felt disproved that. Every move Hawk made told him that he was important and worthwhile, all while being dominant. Kavo would bend at his any and every whim.
“Will you stop me if I go too far?” Hawk whispered, his hands positioned at the edge of Kavo’s pants.
“You could never go far enough.” And it was the truth.
The night saw them wrapped in each other’s arms, cherishing each and every moment that passed. That night, they were not two of Gaea’s most wanted pirates, and they were not running; they were two lovers intertwined for the first and last time.
When they finally exhausted themselves, they collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily, but still remained in each other’s arms. Kavo moved to gently push damp, dark hair out of Hawk’s face before he placed a soft kiss on bruised lips. Hawk was slow to respond, but when he did, he deepened the languid kiss and held Kavo close, as if to never let him go. Kavo knew that that wasn’t the case, though; he knew that if he fell asleep, Hawk would be gone when he woke. When their lips parted, however, Kavo’s eyes refused to open. He could do little more than to curl up next to Hawk and let sleep wash over him.
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