Kavo faked a smile as he sat down with Aizel and Torian for dinner. Hawk was a few seats down, removed from everyone, staring blankly at his plate with tight lips. In his left hand, he held a mossy green and sienna stone, which he would occasionally clench his fingers around.
Aizel saw where Kavo’s eyes were trained, and asked, “Are you worried about him?”
“Of course I am. Doesn’t he worry you sometimes?”
Aizel bit his lip. “Not usually. We’ve only seen him like this once, when we first met him. Lately, he’s been better, but… I don’t know. I guess the attack on Lucia got to him. Makes sense, though; it’s a lot like what happened to him.”
“Does he, er… always resort to holding onto stones like lifelines?”
Aizel smiled lightly. “Yeah. The Islanders place a lot of power on gems. I swear, he has a different one for every occasion.” He tilted his head. “Tor, you’ve been awfully quiet. Something up?”
“No, I was just thinking about something.”
“Hm? What is it?”
“Well, you were saying that Hawk’s acting this way because of the fire, but… I don’t think so. He was fine until today.”
Aizel quirked his lips. “Yeah, I guess you have a point, but what else could it be?”
Torian shrugged. “I wasn’t saying I knew what it was. I was just pointing something out.”
“I don’t suppose you know, either, do you Kavo?”
Yes, Kavo did.
“No,” he lied. What if Hawk didn’t want that sort of secret exposed? For that matter, Kavo didn’t want it exposed much. He didn’t want to let tale of his rejection get out; he wanted to pretend that it had never happened and that he was happy.
“You aren’t looking so hot, darling,” a silky, feminine voice observed. Kavo glanced up to see Gwendolyn in all her womanly glory. Maybe she could take his mind off things for a while.
“I think I’m just recovering from everything still,” he tried. She didn’t look convinced. “Really, I’m fine.”
Gwendolyn shrugged it off. “Well, never mind, then. In other news, Jaleber has told me that we may be adding two more people to our crew. Some kid and his girlfriend had their house destroyed a while ago.”
“Really?” Aizel asked. “Where?”
“Actually, they’re from Gaea.” She cast her eyes over to Kavo. “I think they might be from the same area as you.”
“Would I know them?”
“It’s possible. The man went to the same academy as you did, I believe.”
“How do you know wh—”
“You kept the certification in your jacket. It wasn’t exactly hard information to come across.”
“Well, when will we be picking them up?” Torian asked.
“Probably tomorrow. It depends. Jaleber’s been communicating with them, so we’ll know more by morning.”
“So, Jaleber’s, like… the recruit officer?” Kavo asked.
“Something like that. Aside from Aizel and Hawk, he recruited all of us that you met.”
“How does he…?”
“Basically he just finds people the government screwed over, and he offers them a place to stay with us.”
“In exchange for assistance,” Kavo clarified.
“Of course. But normally, they’re already plenty willing to aid our cause by the time Jaleber’s found them.”
Kavo looked over to Hawk. “What about him?”
“He was a special case. We were about ten miles from his village when it went up in flames. Ryk made us stop to check it out. When we landed, it was almost too smoky to see. Still, Ryk insisted that we go see. Hawk was laying on the ground, covered in burns and blisters; half his clothing was burnt off. We carefully carried him back to the ship, did the best we could with him, and now here we all are.”
“So, his village really did burn?”
“To the ground.”
Kavo sighed. “I was afraid you would say that. I owe him another apology, I guess.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it much if I were you. Hawk holds few grudges. The only one he really holds is against the government for destroying his village. Understandably, of course.”
“Right. Still, I think… I have to say it.” Kavo slipped out of his seat as Gwendolyn, Aizel, and Torian exchanged similar questioning looks. He ignored their glances and made his way over to stand across from Hawk.
“Hey,” Kavo said awkwardly. His palms were already sweating from his nerves. Hawk had a knack for getting him out of his element.
Hawk slowly raised his eyes to look at Kavo. They were darker than Kavo remembered them being, shadowed by something dark and heavy that Kavo wasn’t sure he was privy to. When his eyes landed on Kavo’s face, Hawk gripped the stone in his hand tighter. Kavo was starting to worry that he would hurt something if he wasn’t careful with his grip.
“Erm, can I sit?”
Hawk gave a slow nod, not taking his eyes off Kavo’s face. His stare was unnerving enough to make Kavo shake. As he pulled out his chair, his hand trembled; the chair gave a loud, skittering scrape of protest. It seemed that all eyes were on him as he took his seat, and that didn’t help his nervousness at all. Even so, he felt like he owed this to Hawk.
“I wanted… I thought that maybe I should tell you I’m sorry. For everything,” he clarified. “I hadn’t meant to push you into anything. Earlier, in the bathroom, I just… I don’t know; I lost it. But whatever’s bothering you, please, don’t take it out on yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Kavo, you do not have the slightest clue what I am taking out on myself. You do not understand that I do deserve it very much.”
“Then tell me. Tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll help fix it. You don’t have to do this to yourself.”
“If I told you what was wrong, that would solve nothing. It would only bring you pain, as well.”
“Hawk…”
“Kavo, I wish I could let you help. If I do, things would only get worse.”
“What do you mean, I’d make things worse?”
“That is not what I said.” Hawk’s interruption went unnoticed.
“I’m such a screw-up that I can’t help anything now? I thought that I could help you, at least. I’m sorry that I’m so fucking useless.”
“Kavo, would you stop twisting my words?” Hawk demanded. “I did not once call you useless. I meant that sharing my problems will not diminish them; it would only abet their growth. I do not want you to be involved in that mess. My problems are my own, and there is no need to hurt you with them.”
“Right… I’m sorry, it’s just… I guess I’m paranoid. After… well, you know… after what happened in the bathroom, I just don’t think I can go back to normal.”
“Kavo, I do not think we can ever be normal again. It is probably better if you stay away from me.”
“I don’t want to stay away from you, Hawk. You can’t choose what’s better for me.”
“No, I cannot, but you cannot decide for me what you think is better for me. Our separation is my choice, and I am doing it for both of us. Please let me eat.”
Kavo’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t like being told what to do, and he hated when anyone was condescending, and Hawk did condescending far too well. “So you’re saying that you know better?”
“In this circumstance, yes.”
Kavo’s fist met Hawk’s face. That was when Hawk showed the first violence he’d ever shown toward Kavo: he clenched his fingers in Kavo’s shirt and yanked him across the table, throwing him to the ground. Kavo growled and latched onto Hawk’s ankle above his boot and tugged his leg out from under him, forcing the other man to the ground as well. They closed on each other in tight death grips, rolling on the floor like animals. Neither of them could gain a hold over the other, but that didn’t stop them from trying, wrestling around on the ground.
“Stop!” a voice screamed. “Both of you, just stop!” Gwendolyn stood above the two of them, stomping a heel dangerously close to Kavo’s hand. His eyes trailed up her long leg, following the boot up to her thigh, skimming over her full skirt, the revolvers slung around her hips, her flat stomach, past her angrily heaving bust, and to her narrowed gaze. She looked far from pleased.
“I am sick,” she growled, “Of the two of you fighting. You’re acting like spoiled brats! Get up.” When they didn’t move, she screeched, “Get up!” Kavo scrambled off of Hawk, who tried to stand and dust himself off with as much dignity as possible. He wasn’t very successful, but the attempt was made nonetheless. “I want both of you in your room until you work this out.”
“Gwendo—”
“Now!”
Kavo winced and looked toward Hawk. He didn’t look likely to be of any help. He tried to cast a pitiful look over Gwendolyn’s shoulder toward her son and his companion, but they were both avoiding his gaze like meeting it would kill their firstborn.
He resigned himself to this dreadful fate and marched dutifully behind Hawk to their shared room. They would not leave the room without a few more bruises gracing each of their bodies.
Gwendolyn followed behind them, and the moment they were inside, she shut the door. Kavo could hear her bolting it from outside, thus locking them in together until someone wanted to let them out.
“Great going, asshole,” Kavo muttered. “You know, even I have better things to do than be stuck in here with you.”
“Well, you are the one who wanted to spend time together. You have been granted your wish.”
“You’re right. I did want to spend time together— before I realized how much I really wanted to bash your skull in.”
“Do it, then,” Hawk dared. “You have my permission.”
“You really don’t want to tempt me today.”
“Why not?”
Because I want to kiss you senseless, Kavo thought to himself. He was still trying to figure out these new feelings, but he knew that Hawk was a really good kisser and that it felt really good to kiss him; that was apparently all his body and his subconscious needed to know before they started driving him mad with yearning.
And, really, he couldn’t figure out why Hawk was so against it. After all, in the bathroom, Hawk had definitely been the one to make the first move. If he didn’t have feelings for Kavo, he shouldn’t have embraced him and kissed him so thoroughly. If he didn’t want to be with Kavo, he shouldn’t have taken such initiative.
Now that Kavo had experienced the things that Hawk did to him, things were different. And that was Hawk’s fault, no matter how anyone looked at it. Hawk had kissed him; Hawk had held onto him; Hawk had touched him like he meant something. He shouldn’t have, but he had. Kavo couldn’t be blamed for someone else’s actions.
“Hawk, if you don’t even want to be near me, why the hell did you kiss me?” Kavo asked eventually.
Hawk sighed and ran a hand through his long hair. Kavo remembered what that hair felt like; he wanted to stroke his fingers through it again, tangle his hands in it.
“I do not know what I was thinking. That was my fault; I can take the blame for that. However, you are taking it far too seriously. It was only one kiss.”
“Only one kiss? Hawk, you practically fucking mouth-raped me!”
“Yes, and I apologize. I was not myself.”
“So you’re saying it was just a mistake,” Kavo clarified.
“I am.”
“You are the dumbest, most ignorant, most idiotic person I’ve ever met! That kiss was no fucking mistake. You wanted to kiss me.”
“Did I?”
“Of course you did. No one just kisses like that for no reason!”
“Watch me.” Hawk took deliberate strides over to him, grabbed the back of Kavo’s neck, and kissed him firmly. Kavo felt his insides promptly melt and flood his heart with joy and bliss; Hawk kissing him was fantastic. In fact, it was so fantastic that Kavo forgot what he was supposed to be doing or why he was being kissed or what they were arguing over— he even forgot that they were arguing in the first place. Then, suddenly, much too soon for Kavo’s tastes, Hawk pulled away and smirked victoriously. “I told you I could do it.”
Kavo’s chest was about to burst or collapse; he couldn’t seem to even out his breathing no matter how he tried. “You can’t tell me that didn’t mean anything.”
“I believe I can, and I am. It was nothing to me.”
“You… you’re an ass,” Kavo breathed. “It’s no wonder that the government abandoned you. In fact, I don’t have the slightest idea how even pirates could ever accept someone like you.”
“Do you really feel that way?”
“Yes. I do,” Kavo said sternly.
“Then you can stay away from me happily.” Hawk brushed past Kavo to get to the door, probably to demand that someone let them out. According to Hawk, it seemed that everything had worked out. Hawk believed quite differently; nothing was fixed. Their relationship was still in ruins because of one bad decision involving a steamy kiss in the bathroom.
Kavo looked away, unsure of where to go or what to do now. He didn’t want to be anywhere near Hawk ever again. First he’d been rejected, and then he’d been humiliated. Hawk hadn’t turned out to be the man Kavo thought he was. It seemed Kavo was never right anymore when it came to who people were inside.
Sighing heavily, Kavo stalked off to the bathroom for some much-needed solitude. He had to figure out a way to get as far away from Hawk as he could. Perhaps he and Torian could switch rooms. Kavo doubted they’d allow it, though. After all, he was still technically a captive.
He didn’t feel like a captive. He felt like he’d made connections already; he felt like he was forging a family on the airship. Especially Aizel had already grown on him, despite all of Kavo’s loathing previously.
Still, he was a captive, and he didn’t expect that a little bonding would earn him a room unsupervised. Torian didn’t seem in a hurry to trust him while Aizel wasn’t around, so staying with Torian was out of the question. If Kavo spilled the beans to Aizel, the whole ship would know, and Hawk would know exactly how much his apathy had affected Kavo, which was far from desirable. That didn’t leave many options; Jaleber still hated him, and Gwendolyn and Hawk were close companions. It seemed that Kavo would simply have to put up with the circumstances, regardless of how much he hated the thought of it.
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