Fears

I'm scared. And, like every other time I've ever been scared, I'm fully aware I shouldn't be. I don't need to be scared. It's stupid. But I am.

Why, you ask? Because I think I really do love her.

Not the cute leave-her-Facebook-comments, either, although that is a part of it. It extends beyond even just being sad when she's offline. I mean, real love. Like, have-a-family-and-grow-old-together love; stay-up-late-with-her-if-she's-sick love; feel-better-just-from-her-voice love. And it scares me.

Love isn't scary. It shouldn't be, at least. I know that. And I know that there's no reason for me to be scared, because it's normal to feel this way about one's girlfriend, isn't it? Even if it's a bit soon, it's still not incredibly weird to actually love your girlfriend.

I guess needing someone like this is what scares me so much. I need her. I don't know what I'd do without her-- I can't remember what I did do without her! It's just weird. I can't sleep if I don't tell her goodnight. I've practically memorized her schedule so I know when to check if she's online. I think about her almost every second of every day, wonder how she's doing, if her day has been going well. It's actually quite pathetic.

She says she wants to be the first thing someone thinks of when they wake up in the mornings and the last thing they think of before they fall asleep. I wonder if she's ever considered that maybe she is already.